hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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