there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
