I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
