had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
