I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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