so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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