Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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