Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
