So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize