This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
