the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
