Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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