i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
