Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
