left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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