just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
