I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
