i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
