so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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