Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
