I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
