so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
