if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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