dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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