the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
