you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
