I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
