We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
