4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
