Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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