That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can't special order awesome
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
