God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
