where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need to align my fucking chakras
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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