your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Welp...herpes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
