who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
