nut hugger
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
