we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
