I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
