her facebook's as public as her vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
