how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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