I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
