i was born a porn star she said
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
