i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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