im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
