So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
