Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
