Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
