DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
