I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
