i wish peter jackson would direct porn
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
