The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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