Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
