I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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