Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
