All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
