we're blogging at a bar
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
