He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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