If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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