SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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