even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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