We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
