god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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