youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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