I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
