how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
