The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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