You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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