her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
