sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
